Phipps has cracked the safe and we’re in. After a hearty cheer from the staff, there came a collective gasp as we peered in and immediately noticed the box of Borax soap prominently displayed: an odd item for safekeeping that becomes much more valuable when seen as a cryptic message from Angus. Or is it, perhaps, the boastful calling card of someone who has been here before us? Now Sherlock Jr. will search the rest of the contents for clues.
Unable to acquire the combination to Angus’ safe, Sherlock Jr. has enlisted the help of top yeggman-gone-straight, Phipps Diamond, formerly of Leavenworth, Kansas. Phipps is only charging us the going rate for a locksmith, but he admits the last time he did one of these jobs, he got around $100,000 and an exploding dye pack.
Our consultant, Sherlock Holmes, Jr., has completed his extensive search through Angus’ desk at the Sacred Sandwich Publishing Co. office, but found nothing that would provide a clue to Angus’ whereabouts. Undeterred, Sherlock has now focused his attention upon Angus’ large safe near the Bohemian Baptist’s desk. Um… does anyone, perhaps, have the combination?
DURWOOD CUMBEY REPORTING FROM GAZINGSTOCK, MO — It has been recently reported by the crack investigative team over at Calvinistic Cartoons (CC) that our fearless leader, Angus Wordsworth Duncan, has been stranded in the year 1888 for the past nine months as a result of a disrupted attempt at time travel. According to CC agents in the field, the infamous Coddington Borax may have sabotaged Angus’ equipment and now Angus is in dire need of a working flux capacitor if he ever hopes to return to the here and now. This, of course, came as quite a shock to the staff of The Sacred Sandwich, since we are unaware of such a bizarre predicament presently constraining our dear brother Angus.
We readily admit that Angus has not contacted us in some time, but as far as we know, Mr. Duncan left for a planned sabbatical last July and gave us simple instructions to continue publication of our printed edition for our local Nodaway County subscribers, but to no longer update our online edition until he returned from his travels abroad. We assumed, rightly or wrongly, that his oversight in providing a forwarding address was a subtle request for privacy and indicated his desire to temporarily separate himself from his work for the purpose of much-needed refreshment in mind, body and spirit.
Recent circumstances, however, have brought us grave concern. In light of last night’s suspicious death of Agent Alex Desmond during CC’s investigation of Angus’ supposed disappearance, The Sacred Sandwich has decided to bring in our own professional consultant to look into the matter. We have, in fact, engaged the sleuthing services of Mr. Sherlock Holmes, Jr. (photographed above), who has traveled from his home office in Piqua, Kansas, to help us sort out this mystery. We have no doubt that Mr. Holmes will be able to quickly discover the truth about Angus and put all these wild rumors to rest.
Please continue to monitor Calvinistic Cartoons and The Sacred Sandwich for any updates on the case, and if you have any information on the possible location of our beloved Mr. Duncan, please contact me posthaste. —Durwood Cumbey, Managing Editor