Angus Hangs Up His Mutton Chops

Angus Hangs Up His Mutton Chops

Longtime newspaper publisher and humorist Angus Wordsworth Duncan officially announced his retirement this week and is stepping down from his duties at The Sacred Sandwich and The League of Tyndale. “This is no joke,” he said in an emotional statement to his beloved staff and colleagues. “I’m hanging up my mutton chops for good and riding Humphrey, my trusty mule, into the sunset.”

During the announcement, several employees could be seen snickering incessantly at Duncan’s deadpan delivery and impeccable comedic timing. “Good one, Angus!” someone shouted from the back of the newsroom. “You had us going there for a second, you ol’ coot!”

“It’s really hard to leave you all,” Duncan continued, ignoring the giggles and dabbing his moist eyes with a tissue. “It’s hard to leave because you obviously think I’m pranking you right now. But I’m dead serious, guys. Hey, come on…  this isn’t funny…  Seriously, stop it.  I’m really retiring…  Scout’s honor. Look, people… stop laughing. My fingers aren’t crossed or anything…  Come on, stop laughing already!”

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