Last Saturday, Gazingstock Baptist Church held the ribbon-cutting ceremony for their brand new indoor toilet, an amenity long in coming. It seemed like only yesterday that the church had completed their first building campaign, dubbed the “Sanctuary Renovation,” that raised a whopping $174.68 to erect a more spacious outhouse with seating for two. At the time, the outdoor privy was a major step forward for the church, but the members soon grew weary of trekking like the Israelites through the wilderness to reach the promised land of temporal relief. Almost immediately they made plans to raise funds for a porcelain retreat inside.

Well, on Saturday the dream of indoor plumbing was finally realized, and the congregation rejoiced. On the Lord’s Day following the grand opening, church attendance at the worship service was up 10 percent as long-lost members with weak bladders once again darkened the church’s door with renewed faith. Throughout the sermon (much to the chagrin of the pastor), people would take turns hurrying to the toilet whether they had to go or not. It was a new thing, a blessing that needed to be enjoyed while it was fresh and exciting. Yes, the water flowed like the wedding wine at Cana.

Perhaps it was inevitable, then, that the congregation of Gazingstock Baptist Church would begin to speculate on what other modern marvels of technology they could use to increase their attendance.

This kind of thing had happened before, of course. Across town, the Church of the Unified Brethren had implemented their own “church growth initiative” years ago when they were the first church in town to install air conditioning, otherwise known as “a box fan in the window.” Not only did their attendance increase, but a few members from other churches (including Gazingstock Baptist) changed allegiances and joined the Brethren. Suddenly religion had a purpose during the long hot summer.

The Brethren’s past success was still fresh on the minds of folks at Gazingstock Baptist and they wondered if their indoor plumbing could usher in a new era of Baptist superiority. Flushed with newfound pride, they began to have fanciful ideas about reclaiming their preeminence in the community. What about putting in another toilet? Imagine the cutting-edge ministry of his-and-her restrooms! What about using two-ply instead of one-ply? Hey, if we double-roll it, they will come!

Jeremiah Bone, pastor of Gazingstock Baptist and League fellow, was suddenly inundated on all sides with unsolicited suggestions on how to better target their demographic and increase their tribe. Some of the ideas purposed were: erecting extra hitching posts for mules out front, adding extra padding to the pews, and bringing in a grand piano to transform their congregational singing to a level that could rival the angelic host. Before long, Pastor Bone realized he needed to address the situation, and on Wednesday night at the end of their midweek service, he did.

Here are Brother Jeremiah’s words, more or less, as best as Mrs. Duncan could record them on the back of her grocery list:

Brothers and sisters, it is well that God has blessed us as a church with many temporal gifts that have brought us great aid and comfort. And indeed we should praise Him for it.

But let us not lose sight of our mission as the people of God by clamoring for the benefits of modern convenience as the lynchpin of our discipleship. It is no small thing to ponder the tragedy of one who has gained the whole world and yet lost his soul. Are we immune to such a miserable state? If so, then why do we suddenly speak of peddling worldly attractions to bolster our numbers?

Do you not realize we are already rich? Do you not realize we possess a treasure that far surpasses any earthly bounty? This, beloved, is our most transfixing and brilliant and everlasting possession: Christ Jesus! He is more costly than gems and more valuable than gold and silver combined. Why, then, do we glory in those things which rust and moth will most certainly destroy? Why, then, do we hope to compel the lost sinner with such fading trinkets when Christ the Righteous is their only hope?!

Let us take stock, beloved, of the authentic source of our true riches, and heed these fair words from Brother Spurgeon:

“(Go) up to the summit, Christian, and survey thine inheritance; and when thou hast surveyed it all, when thou hast seen thy present possessions, thy promised possessions, thine entailed possessions, then remember that all these were bought by the poverty of thy Savior! Look thou upon all thou hast and say, ‘Christ bought them for me.’ Look thou on every promise and see the bloodstains on it; yea, look, too, on the harps and crowns of heaven and read the bloody purchase! Remember, thou couldst never have been anything but a damned sinner unless Christ had bought thee! Remember, if he had remained in heaven thou wouldst for ever have remained in hell; unless he had shrouded and eclipsed his own honor thou wouldst never have had a ray of light to shine upon thee.

“Therefore bless his dear name, extol him, trace every stream to the fountain; and bless him who is the source and the fountain of everything thou hast. Brethren, ‘Ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.’”

Do these stirring words not ring in your soul and convict you of your folly in leaning upon the world’s trifles for your strength? Yes, by God’s grace our building is a fine possession, and yes, our camaraderie is a fine possession, but they are not the clarion call of our church. If this is a truth that escapes you, brothers and sisters, then shame on you and shame on me for failing you as a shepherd.

Tonight I will place but one solemn weight upon this fellowship: Woe to us if we appeal to the world with novelties and do not preach Christ and Him crucified for the sake of those who are perishing around us!

And with that, he left the pulpit and went home.

The next day there was no more talk of raising funds for new restrooms, hitching posts or grand pianos. The members, convicted by their pastor’s passionate words, returned to their true love and sought first to raise the banner of Christ before anything else.

They did, however, introduce two-ply paper into the restroom with the hearty amen of Pastor Bone and the other elders. As Jesus said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”