The Sacred Sandwich
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  • November19th

    If you live in Gazingstock, Missouri (the hometown of the League of Tyndale), you can usually get your late-breaking local reports from Action 4 News, anchored by Bertha Stettner. Bertha lives in the yellow Victorian house on the corner of 3rd and Maple, and if you need to know what’s going on in town, you just dial 4 on your telephone and Bertha will convey the latest in cutting-edge investigative journalism.

    Yes, Bertha’s actual phone number is 4; Gazingstock is a very, very small town.

    Last Wednesday evening during her six o’clock newscast, Bertha was the first “journalist” to report that the Gazingstock Baptist Church building was on fire and about to burn to the ground. She had received this tip from her trusty street informant, Vida Whitlock, who claimed to have seen several people forming a bucket brigade outside the church. According to Vida, Deacon Milton Sinclair was manning the church’s well pump while a line of church members frantically passed along pails of water through the side door of the church building to douse the hidden flames inside.

    Realizing this was the biggest scoop since last summer when Ned “Bat Ears” Blanton got his head stuck in his porch railing, Bertha immediately rang up every member of the local garden club to broadcast her exclusive report. The garden clubbers then relayed the information to various friends and family, and the story sprouted legs from there. Within minutes, almost everyone in town had heard the news and rushed out of their homes to witness the blazing inferno. The only people in town who didn’t hear about the fire were the boys down at the firehouse. Apparently no one had thought to call them.

    When the curious townsfolk finally arrived at the church, however, they saw no evidence of a fire. In fact, the Baptist church stood as it always had. There was no lingering scent of charred wood, no haze of smoke, and no dancing flames of fiery destruction. The bucket brigade that Vida had seen earlier was no longer there; they had abandoned their buckets and disappeared.

    Needless to say, it was a bitter pill to swallow for those who had braved the cold night air in hopes of being entertained by the spectacle of tragedy. Realizing they had been horribly misinformed, most of the disillusioned mob went back to their homes to finish supper and settle in for the night. A dozen stragglers, however, stayed behind to salvage the evening as best they could. These stubborn souls found it difficult to believe that Bertha could be wrong, so they decided to have a peek inside the church to see what was going on.

    As they snuck towards the building, they were quite surprised when the church’s front door suddenly popped open and Deacon Sinclair started waving at them as if he’d been waiting for them to arrive. “You’re just in time,” the deacon told them with a big smile. “Come on in!” And with that, he shook each of their hands and guided them through the door one-by-one with the aplomb of an experienced church greeter (which he was). By the time the band of looky-loos realized they had been ushered straight into a church meeting, it was too late. All they could do in order to save face was slink quietly into the empty back pew and wait it out.

    Of course, when the twelve had a chance to look around, they realized that Bertha’s report had been a bust. There wasn’t a single sign of smoke or fire damage. All they saw was Edgar Sedgwick, a seventy-year-old farmer, standing in front of the congregation in a large galvanized steel trough filled with water. Standing next to Edgar was the church’s pastor, Jeremiah Bone, and they both wore white linen robes.

    It wasn’t a fire; it was a baptismal service.

    Normally an event like this would have been held down at Nodaway Lake, but being as it was the middle of November, the decision was made by the elders to perform the ordinance inside during their midweek meeting. Church member Tom Bingham donated a unused water trough from his barn, which was hauled into town and placed behind the pulpit. Several other members then formed a makeshift bucket brigade and filled the trough with well water— a sight which Vida Whitlock had woefully misinterpreted.

    And so, in the sight of God and the congregation and the twelve visitors, ol’ Edgar now stood in the waters of baptism to testify that Christ is the Son of God. Through heartfelt tears, Edgar acknowledged he was a sinner who had no righteousness of his own to withstand the judgment of God. But thanks be to God, he declared, that Christ had taken the punishment due him on the cross, had risen victoriously from the grave to display His power and triumph over death, and now sat at the right hand of God to graciously place His cloak of righteousness on those who came to Him through faith. And with that, Pastor Bone plunged Edgar into the watery grave to die to self and to live for Christ.

    Upon Edgar’s baptism, the congregation celebrated with a chorus of fervent amens and joyous praises to God for graciously drawing another lost sheep into the fold. As the people began to sing the hauntingly beautiful strains of Amazing Grace in the pureness of harmonized voices, the twelve visitors in the back pew felt a chill go down their spines. They sat there not knowing what to do, and yet deep down they realized they had been placed in a position of having to do… something. Each of them had been shaken, in one degree or another, by what they had seen and heard.

    What these visitors had witnessed during the baptismal service was the good news that is rarely reported by news anchors, journalists, or even town gossips like Bertha Stettner. It does not have the fleshly intrigue or morbid fascination for which the world often clamors. Nonetheless those who hear this message are never unmoved, for either the heart is pricked by it or pride resists it. The gospel contains a power that places the hearer at the crossroad of life and death and forces them to choose a path. To feign indifference only delays the decision and threatens to dull the eyes and ears to further appeals, perhaps leaving them with no time to recover except by the grace of God.

    Within these twelve souls, the seeds of the gospel have been planted. Whether in the future they take strong root or not is known only to God, but we pray as always for a good crop at the harvest as we seek to engage them further.

    So thank you, Bertha. The only fire to be seen on Wednesday night came from the wick of your tongue, but it sparked a series of events that, in hindsight, had an eternal direction and purpose. By the providence of God, your efforts drew twelve unbelievers to Gazingstock Baptist Church who perhaps would have never darkened the door of a church in their life, and yet on this night they witnessed the power of the gospel in the life of Edgar Sedgwick, who was buried with Christ and arose to find new life in Him.

    This is the good news we all need to pass along to a perishing world: Turn to Christ, that He may save you from the fiery judgment to come. And this time, let’s make sure the boys down at the firehouse hear about it, too.

  • October10th

    Last Saturday, Gazingstock Baptist Church held the ribbon-cutting ceremony for their brand new indoor toilet, an amenity long in coming. It seemed like only yesterday that the church had completed their first building campaign, dubbed the “Sanctuary Renovation,” that raised a whopping $174.68 to erect a more spacious outhouse with seating for two. At the time, the outdoor privy was a major step forward for the church, but the members soon grew weary of trekking like the Israelites through the wilderness to reach the promised land of temporal relief. Almost immediately they made plans to raise funds for a porcelain retreat inside.

    Well, on Saturday the dream of indoor plumbing was finally realized, and the congregation rejoiced. On the Lord’s Day following the grand opening, church attendance at the worship service was up 10 percent as long-lost members with weak bladders once again darkened the church’s door with renewed faith. Throughout the sermon (much to the chagrin of the pastor), people would take turns hurrying to the toilet whether they had to go or not. It was a new thing, a blessing that needed to be enjoyed while it was fresh and exciting. Yes, the water flowed like the wedding wine at Cana.

    Perhaps it was inevitable, then, that the congregation of Gazingstock Baptist Church would begin to speculate on what other modern marvels of technology they could use to increase their attendance.

    This kind of thing had happened before, of course. Across town, the Church of the Unified Brethren had implemented their own “church growth initiative” years ago when they were the first church in town to install air conditioning, otherwise known as “a box fan in the window.” Not only did their attendance increase, but a few members from other churches (including Gazingstock Baptist) changed allegiances and joined the Brethren. Suddenly religion had a purpose during the long hot summer.

    The Brethren’s past success was still fresh on the minds of folks at Gazingstock Baptist and they wondered if their indoor plumbing could usher in a new era of Baptist superiority. Flushed with newfound pride, they began to have fanciful ideas about reclaiming their preeminence in the community. What about putting in another toilet? Imagine the cutting-edge ministry of his-and-her restrooms! What about using two-ply instead of one-ply? Hey, if we double-roll it, they will come!

    Jeremiah Bone, pastor of Gazingstock Baptist and League fellow, was suddenly inundated on all sides with unsolicited suggestions on how to better target their demographic and increase their tribe. Some of the ideas purposed were: erecting extra hitching posts for mules out front, adding extra padding to the pews, and bringing in a grand piano to transform their congregational singing to a level that could rival the angelic host. Before long, Pastor Bone realized he needed to address the situation, and on Wednesday night at the end of their midweek service, he did.

    Here are Brother Jeremiah’s words, more or less, as best as Mrs. Duncan could record them on the back of her grocery list:

    Brothers and sisters, it is well that God has blessed us as a church with many temporal gifts that have brought us great aid and comfort. And indeed we should praise Him for it.

    But let us not lose sight of our mission as the people of God by clamoring for the benefits of modern convenience as the lynchpin of our discipleship. It is no small thing to ponder the tragedy of one who has gained the whole world and yet lost his soul. Are we immune to such a miserable state? If so, then why do we suddenly speak of peddling worldly attractions to bolster our numbers?

    Do you not realize we are already rich? Do you not realize we possess a treasure that far surpasses any earthly bounty? This, beloved, is our most transfixing and brilliant and everlasting possession: Christ Jesus! He is more costly than gems and more valuable than gold and silver combined. Why, then, do we glory in those things which rust and moth will most certainly destroy? Why, then, do we hope to compel the lost sinner with such fading trinkets when Christ the Righteous is their only hope?!

    Let us take stock, beloved, of the authentic source of our true riches, and heed these fair words from Brother Spurgeon:

    “(Go) up to the summit, Christian, and survey thine inheritance; and when thou hast surveyed it all, when thou hast seen thy present possessions, thy promised possessions, thine entailed possessions, then remember that all these were bought by the poverty of thy Savior! Look thou upon all thou hast and say, ‘Christ bought them for me.’ Look thou on every promise and see the bloodstains on it; yea, look, too, on the harps and crowns of heaven and read the bloody purchase! Remember, thou couldst never have been anything but a damned sinner unless Christ had bought thee! Remember, if he had remained in heaven thou wouldst for ever have remained in hell; unless he had shrouded and eclipsed his own honor thou wouldst never have had a ray of light to shine upon thee.

    “Therefore bless his dear name, extol him, trace every stream to the fountain; and bless him who is the source and the fountain of everything thou hast. Brethren, ‘Ye know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that, though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, that ye through his poverty might be rich.’”

    Do these stirring words not ring in your soul and convict you of your folly in leaning upon the world’s trifles for your strength? Yes, by God’s grace our building is a fine possession, and yes, our camaraderie is a fine possession, but they are not the clarion call of our church. If this is a truth that escapes you, brothers and sisters, then shame on you and shame on me for failing you as a shepherd.

    Tonight I will place but one solemn weight upon this fellowship: Woe to us if we appeal to the world with novelties and do not preach Christ and Him crucified for the sake of those who are perishing around us!

    And with that, he left the pulpit and went home.

    The next day there was no more talk of raising funds for new restrooms, hitching posts or grand pianos. The members, convicted by their pastor’s passionate words, returned to their true love and sought first to raise the banner of Christ before anything else.

    They did, however, introduce two-ply paper into the restroom with the hearty amen of Pastor Bone and the other elders. As Jesus said, “Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

  • September22nd

    League fellow Mayo Cook caught two ten-year-old boys trying to swipe apples from his orchard last week. It wasn’t a punishable offense as far as Mayo was concerned, but the boys didn’t know any better when Mayo popped out from behind a nearby hedge and asked them very casually what they were doing. He’s ornery that way.

    The first boy, Ed Duggan’s son, Trip, turned a ghostly white, dropped the contraband from his arms, and hightailed it out of there so fast you would have thought he’d been raptured. Left behind was his accomplice, Micah Birchwood, who was still sitting in the tree, wide-eyed, with nowhere to escape. Of course, he tried to escape, but there was a difference of opinion between his body and his mind. His body wanted him to climb higher, but his mind was telling him to climb down. Amid the confusion the poor boy promptly fell out of the tree and slammed into the ground. Turns out gravity had the tiebreaker.

    Mayo waited a few minutes until the boy got the air back into his lungs and then gently helped him sit up to look him over. Thankfully, nothing was broken except the boy’s pride, which had been seen going before the fall. Once recovered, however, the boy immediately went into damage control. “It wasn’t my idea,” he mumbled between weak sobs. “Trip dragged me into it.”

    Behold the resurrection of pride.

    Now ol’ Mayo, being a student of the Scriptures, had enough godly understanding under his bib overalls to recognize the telltale signs of the fallen spiritual condition. In fact, the boy’s profession of innocence was so blatantly Adamic, Mayo had to suppress a belly laugh that would have shook the apples off the trees. Nonetheless, as a recipient of undeserved mercy, Mayo resolved to respond in a way that pleased the Lord. If the boy wanted his coat, then Mayo would give him his cloak also.

    “How’d you like a big slice of homemade apple pie to make you feel better?” Mayo asked with a mischievous grin and a jovial pat on the back.

    Well, the boy was blindsided by the generous offer, and if he had known what Mayo was planning, he would have begged off and headed straight for home. But apple pie sounded mighty fine to him, so he gladly accepted. Micah the fly, meet Mayo the spider.

    When the two of them got back to Mayo’s house, Mayo sat the boy down at the kitchen table, tucked a napkin under his chin, and went to get the freshly-baked pie that was cooling on the counter. Mayo’s wife was peeling potatoes by the sink and turned around. She spied the subtle smirk playing on her husband’s lips and knew he was up to something. “Who’s our guest?” she asked, playing along.

    “Nell, you’ll never believe it. It was raining boys in the orchard, and this one hit the ground kinda hard,” Mayo explained. “I thought we might offer him a piece of apple pie and make sure he’s still healthy enough to eat.”

    “Well, don’t forget to put a big dollop of whipped cream on his piece,” Nell suggested. “I’ve got a fresh batch in the fridge.” By now the boy’s mouth was salivating like Pavlov’s dog at a bell ringers convention.

    Pie on plate with layers of warm, gooey apples, golden crust, and a majestic cloud of ivory topping, Mayo sat down across from Micah and slowly slid the dessert toward him. “Now before you start digging in, son, I want to ask you something,” Mayo said. “Do you know the difference between this apple pie and the apples in the orchard?”

    “This is cooked and the others are raw?” the boy offered, hopelessly mesmerized by the pie in front of him.

    “No,” Mayo replied gently. “The difference is… I gave you the apple pie. I don’t remember giving you the apples in the orchard.”

    You had to hand it to ol’ Mayo; he had a way of rousting a fellow’s sleeping conscience, even if it was tucked snugly in bed under a pile of blankets on a chilly Sunday morning. Sure enough, Micah swallowed hard as the shame swept over his face. “Oh…”

    “The funny thing is, son, I would have been happy to give you boys some of the apples– as many as you needed. As far as I’m concerned those apples belong to God and I’m only the caretaker. So I would’ve been blessed to share those apples with you. But what makes me sad is the fact that you went into the orchard not knowing that fact. Which means, whether you were dragged into it by your friend or not, you tried to take those apples knowing in your heart they weren’t yours. It makes you a thief, son. And nobody wants that charge attached to their name in the sight of God.”

    The boy hung his head and sighed. Tears welled in his eyes. “I know, I know… I’m… sorry.”

    There it was: remorse, a tad late, but a first step towards repentance. Offering a fork to the boy, Mayo said, “You’re forgiven, son. Now eat your pie, and let’s talk about where you might want to go from here.”

    I relay this story (as Mayo told it to me) so that it might warm your heart to know that the unique Christian principles of humility, grace, and forgiveness can be a living testimony to the power of the Gospel. If that boy had spit in Mayo’s face instead of asking for pardon, it wouldn’t have changed Mayo’s resolve to follow the lead of Christ in turning the other cheek and allowing the Spirit to guide the outcome. This, I believe, is the very heart of the Christian life and witness.

    As Proverbs 25:11 teaches us, “A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in pictures of silver.” And so, too, is a testimony rightly displayed.

    If you happen to pass by Cook’s Orchard this week, you’ll probably see two boys up on ladders picking apples that will be used by Nell Cook and the other Tyndale Sisters to make pies for the League bake sale. The boys are getting paid by the bushel, but more importantly, they’re learning about grace, hard work, and the stewardship of God’s marvelous provision.

    So if you have the time, please stop and say hello to Micah and Trip while they’re picking. I’m sure they could use the encouragement. Just don’t come up behind them where they can’t see you. The lads are still a bit jumpy.

  • September6th

    Greetings, faithful readers, and welcome to The Sacred Sandwich.

    On June 26th through the 28th, the Tyndale Sisters held their annual women’s conference and bake-off at the enchanting Nodaway Resort on the shores of Nodaway Lake.  [Ed. note: Resort manager Uriah Simms will take 10% off your stay when you mention your League membership!]  This year’s theme was “Cake Decorating and The Book of Ruth,” and the ladies were eager participants during three days of godly festivities and biblical exegesis.

    Keynote speaker and League sister Hattie Dalrymple presented her paper titled “Ruth and the Barley Harvest: A Picture of Humility and Possible Recipes,” and later won third place for her lemon-barley cake with mint icing.  Top honors, however, went to Bertha Stettner for her epic five-layer yellow cake which was decorated with a chocolate sculpture of Christian battling Apollyon from John Bunyan’s Pilgrim’s Progress.  Such scenes of triumphant spiritual warfare never tasted so good!

    While the ladies enjoyed their extended time of Christian fellowship and Bible study (and well they should), their husbands were left behind to fend for themselves, which proved to be a most unpleasant circumstance for many of us.  Among many tales of starvation and horrific laundry mishaps, one stood out the most.  Alas, poor Jiggs Hardy was stranded at home with his six hungry children and made the mistake of feeding them in one day all the food that his wife had prepared in advance to last them three days.  He was forced to herd his entire brood, ages 2 to 12, down to the Piggly Wiggly on Friday to procure further sustenance. Not being intimately familiar with the wiles of children, Jiggs asked his progeny what their mother usually bought for them to eat, and was soon carrying home twelve boxes of Cracker Jack, sweetened cereal, Oreo cookies, etc. (and a bottle of Phillip’s Milk of Magnesia for himself).  Needless to say, the elevated sugar intake wreaked havoc on the Hardy home as children literally bounced off the walls: the oldest boy having fashioned a giant slingshot with a bicycle inner tube to hurl his younger siblings into space.  When Mrs. Hardy returned home on Saturday night, Jiggs ran to her like the prodigal son and sobbed like a baby.  He was a changed man.

    The League fellows would like to extend our gratitude to the ladies for their godly service as dedicated wives and mothers, as well as model citizens of the Christian faith.  Their loving patience and hard work to care for their families and community has not gone unnoticed.  We thank God for the fruits of their labor, and the fact that the women’s conference only comes once a year.  Amen.