In this special edition of Dubious Photojournalism, The Sacred Sandwich proudly presents a brief photographic travelogue of our staff’s recent company retreat to the South Pacific. Photographs were taken by staff photographer H.K. Doolittle, with explanatory notes by Angus Wordsworth Duncan. Any resemblance to small town Christians with too much time on their hands is purely coincidental.

Staff Picnic

Our intrepid Sandwich staffers and their respective family members gather for a picnic on the outskirts of Gazingstock before boarding the “Ride the Ducky” boat and beginning their journey to Fiji. Gladys Peabody’s homemade bread and butter pickles were exquisite, but made our mascot, Humphrey, a tad gassy.

The Blue Whale

We traveled along Route 66 on our way to the Pacific Ocean, and found time to visit the famous Blue Whale in Catoosa, Oklahoma. The versatility of our amphibian vehicle proved an advantage as we approached this charming landmark by water. It was at this time that Horace Pook suggested a name change for our craft: the S. S. Sacred Sandwich, or the S. S. S. S. for short.

Route 66

One of our many restroom stops along Route 66. A word of advice: No matter how much he begs, do NOT buy a Big Gulp for a mule.

Mega-Ship

A few hours after launching the S. S. S. S. from the Santa Monica pier, H.K. Doolittle snapped this picture of a huge ship that was passing by. Thanks for rubbing it in, Rick!

Surf’s Up

Though we never made it to Fiji, we did find wonderful surfing conditions at the little-known island of Gilligan. Unfortunately, an ingrown nail on my pinky toe forced me to only hang nine.

Humphrey joined in the fun, but hit a gnarly wave, ate it hard, and gave himself a sand facial. Dude!

Limbo

Some of the natives introduced the Bohemian Baptist to a recreational dancing activity called Limbo. Though B.B. urged the others to join him, Emmett Peabody put a damper on the event when he suggested that Limbo was nothing more than Catholic speculation.

New Friends

Near the end of our vacation, Humphrey and I took a hike to the far side of the island and met a group of surprised tourists who were very, very happy to see us. They invited us to stay for a coconut dinner and threw a big party in our honor. They kept asking us all kinds of questions about how we got there and if we had a boat to get back home. When we said that we did, they were just tickled to death and asked us to spend the night. The next morning, Humphrey and I got up real early and left without saying good-bye. We left a thank-you note, of course, but we thought our new friends might want to get some extra sleep after all the hospitality they had showed us. We left the island a few hours later and never saw those kind folks again, but I’m sure they appreciated our thoughtfulness for letting them sleep in.

Epilogue

That’s just a sampling of our vacation photos, dear readers, but we hope they gave you a nice taste of our adventure. We would like to thank all our subscribers and League members for allowing us the opportunity to enjoy a few days off from our labors. May God bless you all for your prayers and efforts in helping us promote the cause of Christ and sola Scriptura in this big bad world. Special thanks to Mr. Jettison Finkle (R.Ph) of Finkle’s Drug Store and Soda Fountain for getting these photos developed so we could post them for your enjoyment.

By the way, if you ever stop by Finkle’s, be sure to try their new tropical fruit juice drink, Baptist Beach Punch. I gave them the recipe after I returned from my vacation.

We now return you to our regular satirical programming…