Greenwood Village, CO — Orange Glo International, makers of OxiClean, have announced their intention to hire Saddleback pastor and “Purpose Driven” author Rick Warren as the new commercial pitchman for their well-known laundry stain remover. Company representative Val Lewton explained that it has been a long, difficult process for them to find a suitable replacement for their former spokesman, the legendary Billy Mays who died last year of heart failure, but they believe Warren will more than fill Mays’ formidable beard.
“We were very impressed by the video of Rick’s 2008 appearance on Hannity & Colmes when he asked people to try Jesus for 60 days and then offered a money back guarantee,” said Lewton. “When we saw him say that, we just looked at each other and said, ‘Now THERE’S a man who knows how to pitch a product!’”
Rick Warren was unavailable for comment, but sources close to the Orange County pastor believe he is leaning towards taking the job offer. There have been unconfirmed sightings of Warren wearing a blue shirt and khaki pants, sporting a darkly-dyed beard, and greeting church visitors with the loud statement, “Rick Warren here for Jesus Christ!”
“Frankly, we’re not sure what’s gotten into him,” said one Saddleback church member who asked to remain anonymous. “We thought he was just about to wrap up his sermon last Sunday when he suddenly belted out, ‘But wait, there’s more!’”
Of course, Orange Glo International’s plan to hire Warren is not without its detractors. Critics say that the controversial pastor’s charisma can only go so far and that his connection to OxiClean will cause an immediate drop in sales within the Bible Belt, especially among the Christian fundamentalist and Reformed Christian communities.
“If Rick Warren tries to become the next Billy Mays,” warns Christian discernment blogger Arnie Bleck on his website, rickwarrenhascooties.com, “I will personally throw out my Awesome Auger in protest. I don’t care if it IS gardening season.”
Lewton, however, disagrees with the assessment that Warren will fail as their new pitchman. “Hey, he persuaded John Piper to invite him to speak at the next Desiring God conference, didn’t he? I don’t think even Billy could have pulled that one off.”
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