39 Comments For This Post

1. Denita Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 2:54 pm

   Soon to add two new flavors: Milk Chocolate Oprah New Age Crunch and Drunk With The Spirit Todd Bentley Dark Chocolate!

   Find them in all Emerge-N-Go Convenience Stores, next to the Salt-N-Light potato chips…

2. Four* Pointer Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 4:24 pm

   You know, I almost picked up a pack of these the other day. But instead, I walked out with a bag of Joel Osteen Brand™ Candy-Coated Sermonettes®. They’re tasty and yummy, but they’re not very filling.

3. John Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 4:43 pm

   “Emergent Joy”–”Firm Moundation” bars.
   Cause sometimes you feel like a nut…sometimes you don’t.

4. Carol Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 7:01 pm

   I feel that I’ve had my overdose of candy-coated theology…I must retreat to a secluded location to “come down” from my sugar shock.

5. Rachel Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 7:06 pm

   Buddha-butter and talk-a-lot!

6. DaveyMike Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 7:11 pm

   Thank goodness there is “no wrong way to eat a Reese’s.“

7. Reformed Pentecostal Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 8:12 pm

   Please don’t forget the Rick Warren Chocolate Chip Wafers. Sweet, certainly not filling and appropriate for all New Age events or political functions.

8. Scott Webber Says:
   August 24th, 2009 at 8:25 pm

   I, I feel so, soo esoteric….

9. Greg Rice Says:
   August 25th, 2009 at 9:02 am

   Why does the term “Junk-Food Junkie” spring to mind?

10. Four* Pointer Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    You know, I just noticed a mistake in the Rob Bell/Dali Lama picture. It appears that Rob Bell is holding a Bible in his hands. Now, anyone can tell you that Rob Bell hasn’t touched a Bible in years, so this must be a very old picture, indeed!

11. LuLu Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 11:08 am

    I heard that the Pope was selling the “Jesus-Buddha Cups” in the Vatican gift shop until they started out-selling the “Gummy Serpents-In-The-Garden” and “Tetzel Pops”.

12. Les Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 1:19 pm

    If I nibble the chocolate around the edge will I be getting the Buddhism or the ‘Christianity’? It’s not fair anyway, everyone knows there is more peanut butter in these things than chocolate which means I’m getting more emergent or Buddhist in each cup but how do I know which is which? I look bad in orange and don’t want to shave my head which means I better HOPE the peanut butter part is all emergent right? But then Bell got the buzz cut…I’m so confused.

13. Mike Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 2:12 pm

    Rob’s not holding a Bible its the Message

14. Four* Pointer Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 2:45 pm

    Rob’s not holding a Bible its the Message

    Oops. So he is! My bad.

15. Jeff Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 3:07 pm

    Just glanced at the picture through the wrong half of my bifocal and thought I was looking at Bono. Silly me.

16. Brian Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 4:23 pm

    Oh, those seventies Reese’s commercials–great memories! Making a point about today’s syncretistic Christianity–painful.

17. Carol Says:
    August 25th, 2009 at 4:42 pm

    No, he’s holding his autographed copy of Purpose Driven Life Esoteric Version…only a select “chosen ones” are entitled to the esoteric version.

    As for PB cups…I think it should be summed up with Joel Osteen-ootsie pops…how many bad jokes and lame catchphrases does it take to get to the center of an Osteenootsie Pop?

18. Four* Pointer Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 11:09 am

    how many bad jokes and lame catchphrases does it take to get to the center of an Osteenootsie Pop?

    I don’t know, but listening to Joel Osteen for too long has been clinically proven to cause truth decay.

19. John Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 1:02 pm

    He is like a peanut M&M…sweet candy on the outside, pure nut in the middle.

20. Steve Martin Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 4:25 pm

    Sweet!

21. Joe Says:
    August 26th, 2009 at 5:35 pm

    John- haha!

22. Carol Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 9:00 am

    Very good ones….but the tragic thing is…it’s so true…

23. Nabal Ben-Nimrod Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    ok guys, we can only come up with so many witty comments for this post and I think even those are getting to be quite a stretch

24. John Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 7:37 pm

    But we haven’t even mentioned Skittles, they have the same slogan as the Jay Baker ministries…

25. Nabal Ben-Nimrod Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 11:29 pm

    Taste the rainbow?

26. T.J. Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 10:57 am

    I’m still waiting for someone to bring out the COEXIST candy bar!!!

27. Les Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    I’m still waiting for someone to bring out the COEXIST candy bar!!!

    Those were Dove chocolates, each wrapper had a smarmy saying.

28. Russ Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 3:06 pm

    “Song to the Emergent Church by the Devil”
    Sung to the tune of Paul Simon’s 50 Ways to Leave your Lover

    The problem is all inside that Book
    He said to me
    The answer is easy
    If you’ll think Emergently
    My new perversion here “Bible version”
    should set your conscious free
    There must be
    Fifty waysTo go Emergent…
    Fifty ways to go Emergent….

    He said it really is my nature to intrude
    Furthermore, I hope my council
    will be helpful to delude
    So I’ll repeat myself
    Cause I’m tops at being crude
    There must be fifty ways
    To go Emergent

    CHORUS:
    You Just sip on some Jack , Mack (Daniels)
    Make a cheap grace plan.
    You don’t need to make sense, Roy
    Ya just get yourself free..

    Ya just hop on the cuss bus
    You don’t need to repent, much
    Contemplative is so key
    Gotta get yourself free

    He said it glees me so
    To see you lack respect
    I wish there was something I could do
    To help you genuflect
    I said I appreciate that
    And would you please explain
    About the fifty ways
    He said why don’t we both
    Just sleep on it tonight
    And I believe that by the morning
    You’ll be sleeping in the light
    And then he cursed me
    And I realized there is no wrong or right
    There must be fifty ways To go Emergent…
    Fifty ways to go Emergent
    (Chorus)

29. Zielinski Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 6:41 pm

    There is no center to an osteen-pop. You wait and wait and get nowhere.

30. paula Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 6:48 pm

    BAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAA!

31. Carol Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 8:28 pm

    Don’t forget Benny Hinn’s Bit-O-Money Word Faith All Day Suckers!

32. John Says:
    August 28th, 2009 at 9:11 pm

    The “Calvin” bar was doomed from the start….it tasted just like an old theologian!!!

33. mark Says:
    September 3rd, 2009 at 9:58 am

    Now, anyone can tell you that Rob Bell hasn’t touched a Bible in years, so this must be a very old picture, indeed!

    Rob’s not holding a Bible its the Message

    Not true, Rob teaches verse by verse out of the NIV (or he may have switched to the TNIV). Problem with him (among many) is how he interprets Scripture not whether he teaches it.

34. Nabal Ben-Nimrod Says:
    September 9th, 2009 at 8:47 pm

    Oh snap- Mark with the smackdown!

35. Charlie DeVos Says:
    October 2nd, 2009 at 6:20 pm

    Athenians: “You got Jesus in our pagan religion!”
    Apostle Paul: “Your pagan quotes got in my Bible!”

    Everyone on this thread should take a look at Acts 17:22-32.

    Paul was willing to use secular wisdom to point to a bigger truth (hence his two secular quotes in v. 28). And it worked. And those secular quotes made it into our holy, normative Scripture. Chew on that for a second.

    I’m not arguing that the emergent church is perfect. I’m not saying Buddhism is right. I’m not saying Christianity should be dumbed down. But I am arguing that your comments are harmful. You should read your Bible before belittling someone’s method of pointing people to Christ, especially if the method you are criticizing is, in fact, Biblical.

    It’s quite hypocritical that you’re so willing to criticize a pastor at Mars Hill, but not the apostle on Mars Hill that that pastor is copying.

36. bill Says:
    October 18th, 2009 at 12:54 pm

    Hey DeVos,
    Yes Paul did use secular quotes but that is quite a bit different than mixing secularism/syncritism and divine truth and thereby becomming apostate. (Those quotes were from a play not a false religion.) Paul did not mix things up in that way and Rob Bell does. Oh, and by the way, not everything in Acts is normative, and in this particular instance there is nothing in the context of Acts 17:23-32 that makes it normative as it is just descriptive…and just be cause something made it in to our “holy normative scriptures” does not mean we are to mimic it. Murder, rape, and incest made it in there too. By your measure it would seem that you would call for those things to be normative as well, or atleast allowable. Afterall they made it in, right?
    As to Rob bell pointing people to Christ and being a pastor…when he repudiates everything he teaches, reverses himself and starts preaching the depravity of man, his guilt under the law of God (and inability to do anything about it), the abiding wrath of God against sinners because of their wickedness, Gods righteous and necessairy judgenment of their sin, the reality and certianty of hell as the just punishment for that sin, and then he opens up the goodness of God that leads men to repentanceas and faith as the right response to the vicarious and penal atonement of Jesus Christ…then, and only then, will I consider him to be pointing people to Christ and a pastor…or even in the same universe as the Apostle Paul.

37. Steve Says:
    November 6th, 2009 at 8:59 pm

    I thought that was Velvet Elvis in Rob’s hands.

38. SamWise Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 9:17 am

    It worse than you think…He has the ventroliquist Voice Version in his hand so he can have it say what he wants!

    He can find Buddhism in the Old Testament (even before the Buddha lived) or “fear of the gods” in the Sermon on the Mount. This is because he uses the Barthian Existential Methodology of “finding the words of God” in the word of God.

    How come I smell Post-Modern “Meta-Narrative” double-speak from Nabal Ben-Nimrod?

39. SamWise Says:
    January 16th, 2010 at 10:08 am

    “Sometimes I feel likea nut…sometimes I don’t!”

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