The Sacred Sandwich

July2nd

15 Comments

Bible-Land was the brainchild of entrepreneur Phineas T. Farnsworth, who envisioned a place where Christians and unbelievers alike could see the pages of Scripture come to life. The photo above shows an opening-day crowd enjoying the Wrath of God ride just before it plummeted two stories into the Pit of Hell underground exhibit and barbeque concession. Though complaints of singed eyebrows and smoke inhalation were numerous, Farnsworth felt the ride was necessary in order for visitors to better appreciate the Grace of God aerial transom that carried them to Salvation Mountain.

Sadly, Farnsworth would see his venture largely ignored by the public because of his refusal to compromise the park’s doctrinal stance. When a rival amusement park, Osteen World, opened across the street to popular acclaim, Bible-Land became a virtual ghost town and closed seven months later. A Walmart Supercenter is currently occupying the property.

15 Comments

  • Comment by Matt — July 2, 2009 @ 7:53 am

    The Teeth-Whitening display at Osteen World was the biggest hit. Well, that and the “You’re Great” exhibit that was co-sponsored by Osteen and Frosted Flakes.

  • Comment by Greg Rice — July 2, 2009 @ 9:16 am

    In a move of unprecedented ecumenicalism, Osteen World has also offered it’s patrons a far more kosher choice, turkey bacon for their BLTs instead of the more traditional pork bacon, but no pepperoni on the pizza. According to founder Joel “Mr. Smiles” Osteen, following the Old Testament dietary laws is a far more God honoring practice than eating all of that unhealthy fare. “You know, I don’t even miss it now.”

    Future plans include offering meals prepared via Dhabīḥah.

  • Comment by Steve — July 2, 2009 @ 1:33 pm

    BBQ beef being smoked in the Pit of Hell??? Do you get a side of Beelzebub’s Baked Beans with that?

    Sounds like Branson to me.

    I’m sad to see that Yakov didn’t make it into this post somehow. Couldn’t you see a Bible Answer Man / Yakov Smirnoff combo show?

  • Comment by Justin — July 2, 2009 @ 5:36 pm

    Liberty University is building a year-round ski/snowboard place… in VA. https://www.liberty.edu/snowflex/

  • Comment by Carol — July 2, 2009 @ 5:45 pm

    I’m surprised Rick Warren didn’t purchase Bible Land to become “Purpose Driven Park” ya, know seeker sensitive amusements. So those who are “unparked” can worship God in an amusement area…Oh wait, that’s what Saddleback CHURCH is….

    Sorry, I’m getting my heretics confused…

  • Comment by John — July 2, 2009 @ 8:03 pm

    Hmm, from a “pit of hell” exhibit to a Wal-Mart Supercenter. Sounds like it didn’t change much.

  • Comment by John — July 2, 2009 @ 8:04 pm

    Osteen World tag line, “Come and find your best ride now!!”

  • Comment by Scott Webber — July 2, 2009 @ 9:19 pm

    I’m surprised Osteen world didn’t combine with Super Walmart to create that great attraction “Name it & Claim it Land!” What could be nicer than That?

  • Comment by Elizabeth — July 2, 2009 @ 11:18 pm

    They still don’t have the RCC beat on the amusements though. Skulls, finger tips, hankies, innards, “saints” heads et al, all on display for those “christians”? who like the macabre, not forget Peter and Paul’s heads in St. John Lateran and their bodies elsewhere. And they make billions off those things.

  • Comment by LuLu — July 3, 2009 @ 9:06 am

    “Bible-Land” was doomed from the get-go.Their obvious lack of sensitivity for “mother earth” was evidenced by vile carbon-producers,as “The Pit of Hell” and B-B-Q stands belched CO2 into our sacred environment.(Not to mention the human contributions after experiencing such,shall we say,”entertainments”?)Praise buddah,allah,Ophra,Jim Wallis,and little-plastic-dashboard-statues,that “Osteen World” is 100% GREEN!(Excluding,of course,the “Teeth-Whitening” booth…).

  • Comment by Steve Martin — July 3, 2009 @ 10:43 am

    That’s my grandfather (third from the left second row) Larry (the Lutheran) Logroeller.

    He spoke fondly of Bible-Land and never stepped foot in Osteen’s version for thrill-seekers.

  • Comment by Nabal Ben-Nimrod — July 3, 2009 @ 6:33 pm

    C’mon guys, nevermind that it’s a holiday weekend, where’s the new feature?

  • Comment by Carol — July 3, 2009 @ 6:57 pm

    There’s also a tragic note that wasn’t mentioned regarding “Bible Land”, Elmer Glick, who played Noah at the “Ark Ride” also was in charge of cleaning the “manure” from all of the animals and that was shipped over to Osteen World as “compost”.

  • Comment by Carol — July 3, 2009 @ 6:58 pm

    It’s also worth noting that at Bible Land, there was a strict Victorian Dress Code which offended the “unchurched” who happened to go to Bible Land because the parking lots were filled to capacity at Osteen World.

  • Comment by Angus — July 4, 2009 @ 12:17 am

    Nabal Ben-Nimrod: I think Tim Challies has something new on his site. He’s Canadian.

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