The Sacred Sandwich

June9th

55 Comments

As a people person, Pastor Nickerson always enjoys getting to know each congregant a little better.

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55 Comments

  • Comment by Matt — June 9, 2009 @ 6:56 am

    But what if Pastor Nickerson gets called to a postmodern church? The polygraph won’t work because the people aren’t lying. They’re just creating a different reality with their words.

  • Comment by Deek Dubberly — June 9, 2009 @ 7:17 am

    Have definitely felt like the guy in the chair a few times before! And come to think of it, I’ve felt like the guy standing up too.

  • Comment by revdrron — June 9, 2009 @ 8:06 am

    If you were to die today, are you 100% sure that you would go to Heaven?

  • Comment by Tyler — June 9, 2009 @ 9:10 am

    revdrron…God does not need a polygraph…!

  • Comment by revdrron — June 9, 2009 @ 9:33 am

    “Did you ever lie to get out of going to church?”

  • Comment by Angus — June 9, 2009 @ 9:49 am

    revdrron: Thanks for the laughs. The list of questions could be hilarious.

  • Comment by Les — June 9, 2009 @ 10:27 am

    Are you always the one who takes the last piece of chicken at the church potlucks?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:44 am

    Have you ever worn facial hair or grown your hair over your ears or where it touches your shirt collar?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:45 am

    Have you ever watched the evil series, Gilligan’s Island?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:46 am

    Are you the king of your castle?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:47 am

    Do you own any Jo Ann Castle albums?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:48 am

    Would you loan me ten dollars?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:48 am

    Are you willing to mow the church lawn?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:54 am

    Are you willing TO DIE RIGHT NOW for the cause of Christ?!!

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 10:56 am

    If God told you to eat a dead rat, would you do it?

  • Comment by revdrron — June 9, 2009 @ 11:09 am

    “If this were an electric chair and not a polygraph and you were to die today, are you 100% sure that you would go to Heaven?”

  • Comment by Angus — June 9, 2009 @ 11:11 am

    Eddie’s on a roll! A born interrogator… or he’s been grilled once or twice by the church police.

  • Comment by Tyler — June 9, 2009 @ 11:31 am

    Muslims are 100% sure they are going to heaven…

    By the blood of Christ shed at cavalry I am saved eternal…despite myself…

  • Comment by Brian — June 9, 2009 @ 12:08 pm

    How do you feel about working with kids?

  • Comment by Brian — June 9, 2009 @ 12:09 pm

    Accountability partner ministry goes to the next level.

  • Comment by John — June 9, 2009 @ 12:32 pm

    A simple yes or no will do Brother Henry…was it you who put the whoopee cushion on Sister Edna’s piano bench?

  • Comment by Les — June 9, 2009 @ 12:45 pm

    Becoming a deacon was never this tough at his last church.

  • Comment by Angus — June 9, 2009 @ 1:34 pm

    John: Hahahahahahahaha.

  • Comment by Brian — June 9, 2009 @ 1:44 pm

    Now, I am going to ask you once again: Did you leave the grounds in the church coffee maker?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 3:12 pm

    Did you leave the church grounds WITH the coffee maker?

  • Comment by revdrron — June 9, 2009 @ 4:43 pm

    Did the coffee maker leave the church while you were on the grounds?

  • Comment by dangerTIM — June 9, 2009 @ 4:46 pm

    “Have you ever worn facial hair or grown your hair over your ears or where it touches your shirt collar?”

    Eddie…I’m pretty sure I did get that question asked at my Baptist High School

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:05 pm

    Do you pray without ceasing?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:10 pm

    Do you still wet the bed?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:10 pm

    Do you know the way to San Jose?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:11 pm

    Did you burn your Beatle albums?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:13 pm

    Can you dance on the head of a pin?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:17 pm

    Have you ever sued a pastor for slapping the fire out of you?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:19 pm

    Do you know how to clean out a sewer line?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:20 pm

    Is this your wallet?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:21 pm

    Did you know my birthday is three days from now?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:23 pm

    Do you own a copy of the Matrix or Waiting for Guffman?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:28 pm

    When someone takes you and your wife out for dinner…do you usually pick up the tab?

  • Comment by Eddie Eddings — June 9, 2009 @ 5:31 pm

    If you were a tree and fell down in the forest, when no one was around…would you scream?

  • Comment by Carol — June 9, 2009 @ 5:48 pm

    I thought it was the new Electronic Charge-A-Matic…when the pew warmers start to doze off, a little high voltage to keep them alert to hear the sermons. OF course, this is only in churches where sermons are still preached!

  • Comment by Carol — June 9, 2009 @ 5:48 pm

    Do you like cream with your coffee?

  • Comment by Carol — June 9, 2009 @ 5:49 pm

    If you were stranded on a desert island, would you want a copy of the Bible with you?

  • Comment by Carol — June 9, 2009 @ 5:49 pm

    If you were serving as an usher and someone left a large bill in the collection plate, would you be tempted to keep it?

  • Comment by Carol — June 9, 2009 @ 5:50 pm

    “Did you burn all of your Beatles albums?”

    “No, I was hoping that you’d be having a Beatle Sermon Series…so I wanted to keep them for references.”

  • Comment by Carol — June 9, 2009 @ 5:51 pm

    Which came first, the chicken or the egg? It’s not a trick question…

  • Comment by pilgrim mommy — June 9, 2009 @ 6:12 pm

    Do you like my sermons?

  • Comment by pilgrim mommy — June 9, 2009 @ 6:13 pm

    Would you like my sermons better if I had a cool accent like Alistair Begg?

  • Comment by pilgrim mommy — June 9, 2009 @ 6:13 pm

    Are you going to eat that candy bar?

  • Comment by pilgrim mommy — June 9, 2009 @ 6:14 pm

    What’s the square root of 65536?

  • Comment by pastor's wife — June 10, 2009 @ 7:05 am

    These questions reveal the need for us to hold to and maintain a higher standard in the deacon/elder qualification process.

  • Comment by Brian — June 10, 2009 @ 12:50 pm

    50-plus comments–what an interrogation!

  • Comment by jane — June 10, 2009 @ 1:55 pm

    Wait! There’s more! Just like ShamWOW!

    “Would you like my sermons better if I had a cool accent like Alistair Begg?”
    Yes, and maybe I’d take notes! But NOT in my Bible (Phew, quick thinking there)

    “Have you ever sued a pastor for slapping the fire out of you?”
    No, but I did sue an usher for not catching me when I was slain in the Spirit. (That’ll show Pastor N. I’ve been around and ‘come back home’)

    “If you were serving as an usher and someone left a large bill in the collection plate, would you be tempted to keep it?”
    No temptation, I’d just keep it. (Uh, that was a stream-of-consciousness answer; can I try again?)

    Pastor Nickerson: “I think you’d better leave. Hey, wait a minute. Is that Bible under your arm The Message with a KJV book cover over it?????” (DANG! BUSTED!!!)

  • Comment by LuLu — June 10, 2009 @ 4:58 pm

    I think this is a tool used in the Emergent and post-modern circles to make sure no Truth ever slips into the “Speaker’s” “Life-Talks”.

  • Comment by Drew — June 11, 2009 @ 7:54 am

    Will you loan my five bucks?

    Is that your real hair, or is just a rug?

    Was it you who snuck a bible into church?

    Did you or did you not scratch my car with your car keys?

    Was it you who backed into my car last Sunday!!!?

    What made you ever think you should share your faith with another other than yourself?

    Why do you think Jesus is the ONLY way to heaven?

    Why did the chicken cross the road, and don’t give me scripture to go with that?!

    Why do you insist in using toothpicks to hold up your eyelids when I preach?!!!

    Do you think my breath stinks?

    Now that I finally found you, why did you leave my church and never come back? was it the fact that I don’t believe the bible, or that I preach out of tv guide?

    Pleeeeze come back, or I’m going to have to turn up the voltage on this thing!!! Please, pretty please? I really don’t like doing this, see all the dead bodies on the floor?

    Hey, who unplugged the machine?

  • Comment by Angus — June 11, 2009 @ 11:13 am

    I unplugged the machine. Sorry!

Comments are now closed.