Dear Twin Theologians: I don’t know if you’ve heard about this great new movie called Fireproof, starring our little growing pain Kirk Cameron, but I was wondering what you thought of its theological message? Personally I think it’s a must-see, but I’m not one to plug. —Todd Friel, Bellflower, CA

Maurice: Thanks for writing in, Todd. As a matter of fact, Emmett and I went to the Babylon Megaplex 100 this week and saw the movie. It was a well-crafted film that dramatizes the effects of sin and the power of a biblical marriage, and best of all, it doesn’t compromise on its clear presentation of the Gospel. This is a Christian movie that is not ashamed of Christ. I give it two “bible-thumps” up.

Emmett: Whoa, wait just a minute, Maurice. Are you kidding me? Fireproof was nothing more than a lame chick flick.

Maurice: Chick flick?

Emmett: Exhibit A: they had wild horses running on the beach in one scene. That’s totally chick territory, man. After watching this movie, I had to scratch myself inappropriately and spit just to regain my manhood.

Maurice: What are you talking about?

Emmett: Okay, okay… maybe I cried a little during the sad parts.

Maurice: No, really. What are you talking about, Emmett?

Emmett: I’m talking about this cinematic dud we saw together. What was the deal with Kirk Cameron’s gray hair anyway. Do former child stars always let themselves go like that? And how in the world did they afford to hire big movie stars like Diane Lane and James Franco on their limited budget?

Maurice: Time out, brother. You’re not talking about Fireproof. Diane Lane and James Franco are in a movie called Nights in Rodanthe. That was Richard Gere you saw, not Kirk Cameron.

Emmett: Are you serious?

Maurice: Didn’t you follow me into Theater 15?

Emmett: I thought we were in Theater 16!

Maurice: What? No, 15.

Emmett: Well, it wasn’t my fault. I stopped to get popcorn and then I got lost. It was exactly like the time I got lost in that megachurch we visited last year… except the popcorn was better.

Maurice: So then you didn’t even see Fireproof ?

Emmett: I guess not.

Maurice: You mean you couldn’t figure out you were watching the wrong movie when Richard Gere and Diane Lane jumped into bed together?

Emmett: Hey, you don’t throw the baby out with the bath water, Maurice. I was trying to be a sophisticated Christian moviegoer and ignore the fornication in order to focus on an underlying message of redemption and the symbolism in the father-son-girlfriend triune relationship that helps us better understand the Christian journey of faith and forgiveness. Ouch, I think I pulled a muscle trying to say that with a straight face.

Maurice: Well, next time we go to the theater I’m holding your hand and taking you to your seat so you don‘t wander off.

Emmett: Wow, just like in church.

Maurice: Uh-oh…

Emmett: What?

Maurice: I just realized that the guy who sat next to me in the theater wasn’t you.

Emmett: So?

Maurice: Remember how much I hate it when you drink too much pop and have to leave in the middle of the movie? Well, during the coming attractions I asked the guy next to me if he needed to go to the restroom before the movie started.

Emmett: Why would you do that?

Maurice: I thought it was you! No wonder he changed seats.

Emmett: Ohhh… that explains why security was waiting to escort you out when we met by the exit afterwards. Sorry about that.

Maurice: *Sigh* That’s okay. I’m sure one of these days I can put the restraining order behind me.

Emmett: Sure you can. Besides, we can always watch movies at home. In fact, we can rent Fireproof when it comes out on DVD. I hear it’s a good movie, even though Kirk Cameron looks really old with that gray hair.

Maurice: Yeah, Hollywood will do that to a guy.