Among the church building improvements proposed by Deacon Weems: cushioned seating, a second restroom, and a trap door under the pulpit in case the sermon goes too long.
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May2nd
8 Comments
Exit Strategy
Posted in: Dubious Photojournalism
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8 Comments
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Comment by Eddie Eddings — May 2, 2009 @ 9:54 am
This works best when the pastor knows it is set automatically. Otherwise, he may chase down a deacon and get him in a scissor hold. This actually happened to Deacon Duncan Renaldo. When the pastor was questioned by the police later, he told them he was trying to squeeze evil demon out of a good deacon. He got 100 hours community service in an emergent village.
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Comment by Bobby — May 2, 2009 @ 9:14 pm
“Lets tell him he can preach as long as he wants to, but we’re going out these doors at twelve.”
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Comment by John — May 2, 2009 @ 11:25 pm
The pastor was very concerned about the trap door, until he discovered that it was directly above table #4 in the downstairs Starbucks. The pastor found that if he timed his sermon just right and skipped the invitation, he could beat everyone there after service.
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Comment by LuLu — May 3, 2009 @ 1:06 pm
The trap door worked amazingly well one Easter Sunday,when a “past-her-prime” soprano attempted to sing “The Holy City”from the pulpit.(You should have heard the echo on the “high C” at the end!)
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Comment by Scott Webber — May 3, 2009 @ 2:12 pm
You forgot the Big cup holders & recliners to properly fall asleep in that Mark Lowery suggested.
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Comment by Carol — May 4, 2009 @ 1:21 pm
Didn’t anybody know that the trap door under the pulpit lands in the church baptismal pool? This is also very handy when the visiting missionaries get too long winded during their slide presentations!
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Comment by MoJanite — May 5, 2009 @ 10:32 am
I actually heard a woman speaking of the “sanctinarium” in her church. Hmm…maybe we should scrap the whole trap door, extra restrooms and pews and just install some basketball goals! Why do we need a special place to worship, can’t we all just get together and have a good time?
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Comment by Carol — May 5, 2009 @ 9:00 pm
Indeed, why install a trap door? Since when do the sermons go too long? Unless they think that 15 minutes is the limit….which would have been about how long it took for the preachers of old just to finish their opening prayer.
