Church Reduces Carbon Footprint; Worships In Dark
Posted on 10 February 2009
In an effort to stem the tide of global warming, Raintree Christian Fellowship began worshipping in the dark this month by turning off the earth-destroying electricity to their building. Though temporarily blinded by the decision, the congregation has seen a sharp increase in spirituality and stubbed toes.
“Turning off the lights has really forced us to find God and each other by using our other four senses,” said Pastor Mike Gruber. “Thankfully, since most of us also reject the use of cancer-causing deodorants, it wasn’t really hard to find each other in the dark. At first I wondered who brought the dead possum in here, but then I realized it was just Bob.”
Church member Serena Vanderhoff is thrilled with the congregation’s newfound enlightenment in the absence of light. “Worshipping in the dark is a very freeing experience that allows you to be yourself,” she said while waiting for Sunday service to start. “When people can’t see you, you can’t be judged if you take a nap during the sermon or you aren’t wearing appropriate clothes for church. In fact, I’m buck naked right now.”
Earlier in the year, Raintree had utilized a large number of candles to better facilitate their rejection of electric light, but this solution was deemed to be a compromise that only compounded the problem. “Not only do the polluting factories that make these candles contribute to the raping of the environment, but the candle flames themselves put out a tremendous amount of heat that could slowly melt the ice caps,” explained Pastor Mike. “Our motto is: ‘Light a candle, kill a polar bear’… Um, no offense to our Catholic friends and their murderous votives.”
In recognition of their sacrifice to save the planet, former Vice President and noted global warming expert Al Gore made a surprise visit to Raintree last Sunday to support them in their efforts. “He did?” remarked a dumbfounded Pastor Mike. “Well, crud, I didn’t even see him. Come to think of it, I can’t see anyone in here.”
Future plans for Raintree include the possibility of putting in windows. “I personally think it would be a good idea to bring in some natural light so I can see if anyone is even attending the service,” said Pastor Mike, “but then again we don’t want to appear to be supporting solar resources when there is significant evidence to suggest that the sun is a major contributor to global warming. I mean, do we really want that on our consciences?”
Tags | Al Gore, candles, carbon footprint, Catholic votives, Christian stewardship, Church, global warming, spirituality
February 10th, 2009 at 4:00 pm
This was hilarious! Especially, the Al Gore visit! You walk a thin line between genius and insanity! I love it!
February 10th, 2009 at 4:16 pm
Oh, like I haven’t seen you walking ahead of me, Eddie. Thanks!
February 10th, 2009 at 5:31 pm
Hee Hee! I love the motto ‘Light a candle, kill a polar bear’. The way things are going, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear of a group actually doing this.
February 10th, 2009 at 11:05 pm
So, instead of the biology exam essay question - ‘Every time I pick a daisy a polar bear cries…’ hmm. Maybe the christian schools can save money by using the every time I light a candle question for both biology and theology. Save a tree’s worth of paper, what say?
February 10th, 2009 at 11:32 pm
On a serious note, this photo is typical of most of Christianity today…in the dark, the blind, leading the blind into the ditch together…asleep! Awake! Awake, O you sleepers, and Christ will give ye Light!
February 11th, 2009 at 1:33 am
OMgosh, ROFLMFO!!! XD
February 11th, 2009 at 2:14 am
Not see Al Gore?? Has anyone really seen Al Gore? I could be wrong, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t been in the dark for years.
February 12th, 2009 at 11:50 am
This is bad. I ALMOST hit the refresh button because the picture didn’t show!
Great site!!
February 12th, 2009 at 6:05 pm
I tried to click on the picture, I guess my name is justified…
February 13th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
This gave me a chuckle. The concept of worshiping in the dark follows their potluck service and when it’s beans and franks month, you may only be able to identify each other by their ozone eroding flatulence!
February 14th, 2009 at 9:07 am
Very funny… This does create new challenges for the altar call.