Fuller Theological Seminary To Offer Course In Tap Dancing
Posted on 14 January 2009
Fuller Theological Seminary announced today that a course in tap dancing will be added to the curriculum of their Master of Divinity program this spring. Don Ohlson, a spokesperson for Fuller, explained the reason behind the new addition: “We believe that in this postmodern climate of tolerance and political civility it is important to train our future pastors to be able to dance around biblical issues when necessary.”
According to Ohlson, Fuller officials saw a need for the tap dance course after one of their most prominent alumni, Pastor Rick Warren of Saddleback Community Church, lost some of his rhythm over the gay marriage issue in California. “Over the years, Rick has displayed some instinctive dance moves that have made his Christian message light and breezy,” said Ohlson, “but when he openly opposed gay marriage his footwork got a little too heavy and he had to do some serious back-shuffles to stay on Melissa Etheridge’s good side. Experts in the dance field tell us that if Rick had been given proper training and choreography during his seminary education, he could have easily avoided this whole controversy by using jazz hands, smiling real big, and doing a ‘shuffle-hop-tap-spring-tap-step-step’ to the left, and then to the right. He would have been off stage before anyone knew what hit them.”
Ohlson was quick to point out that Warren, despite his recent stumbles, still managed to make some impressive ballroom moves that swept Barack Obama off his feet and led to his invitation to offer the opening prayer at the Presidential Inauguration. “Even without formal dance training, Rick’s Fuller education undoubtedly provided him with the basic tools to become the theological hoofer that he is today,” said Ohlson. “By offering this new class on tap dance, we believe the next ‘Rick Warren’ that Fuller produces will be even more prepared to make the Gospel as entertaining and non-threatening as possible.”
The new Fuller class, Pastoral Tap Dance, will be held off-campus at Little Miss Starlet Dance Academy and Tanning Salon, with instruction by former Rockette, Tammi Lynn Marple. Marple, who has taught the academy’s “Beginning Tap for Four Year Olds and Up” class for twenty years, suggests that the Fuller seminary students who enroll should bring a juice box for break time and have their mommies or daddies drop them off five minutes early so they have time to warm up.
Tags | appeasement theology, Fuller Theological Seminary, gay marriage, Rick Warren
January 14th, 2009 at 12:37 pm
“Dancers” never want to step on toes. Successful dancers are always too “user-friendly” in my book (that book should be on the stands in October)…but, a person can’t preach the whole Word of God without stepping on some feet! Besides…we weren’t called to dance - just to walk. The pastor who “dances” will always have a “shaky” future. That’s all I have to say for now…I have to go to a hootenanny and try and rescue some doe di doe-ing deacons.
January 14th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Nooooooo! Please don’t make me think of Rick Warren and dance tights ever again!
January 14th, 2009 at 3:39 pm
Does this piggyback off of San Francisco Seminary’s Theology of the Body dance workshop?
January 14th, 2009 at 5:17 pm
Truth is stranger than fiction, I guess.
January 14th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
I laughed my leg off at this post.
January 14th, 2009 at 9:53 pm
Don’t laugh, they’ll probably have this next semester!
But the very idea of Rick Warren in top hat and tails and dancing like Fred Astaire is a bit much for even my imagination to take!
January 15th, 2009 at 2:11 am
For one who understood the description of those steps, I could not help but laugh, yet it is so sad.
Pray those men will WAKE UP!
Yeshua is LORD!
January 15th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
Hilarious. Fortunately, Warren won’t be in tights, it would be tux with tales.
January 20th, 2009 at 6:43 pm
Some of the guys I’ve heard would definitely qualify for Dancing with the Stars
January 23rd, 2009 at 11:19 pm
You call that jazz hands? That’s not jazz hands, THESE are jazz hands!
January 26th, 2009 at 6:56 pm
cleverly funny!
January 30th, 2009 at 10:15 pm
No, not jazz hands, they are spirit fingers as he does back flips and hand springs across the stage and starts shouting “Give me a P “P” Give me an R “R” Give me an A “A” give me an I “I” give me an S “S” Give me an E “E” What’s that spell??? PRAISE!! –Give me a T “T” Give me an H “H” Give me an E “E” What’s that spell?? THE
Give me an L “L” give me an O “O” Give me a R “R” Give me a D “D” What’s that spell?? PRAISE THE LORD!!!
Okay, that was bad..Maybe that is more TBN??