Angus Hangs Up His Mutton Chops

Angus Hangs Up His Mutton Chops

Longtime newspaper publisher and humorist Angus Wordsworth Duncan officially announced his retirement this week and is stepping down from his duties at The Sacred Sandwich and The League of Tyndale. “This is no joke,” he said in an emotional statement to his beloved staff and colleagues. “I’m hanging up my mutton chops for good and riding Humphrey, my trusty mule, into the sunset.”

During the announcement, several employees could be seen snickering incessantly at Duncan’s deadpan delivery and impeccable comedic timing. “Good one, Angus!” someone shouted from the back of the newsroom. “You had us going there for a second, you ol’ coot!”

“It’s really hard to leave you all,” Duncan continued, ignoring the giggles and dabbing his moist eyes with a tissue. “It’s hard to leave because you obviously think I’m pranking you right now. But I’m dead serious, guys. Hey, come on…  this isn’t funny…  Seriously, stop it.  I’m really retiring…  Scout’s honor. Look, people… stop laughing. My fingers aren’t crossed or anything…  Come on, stop laughing already!”

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Ashes of a Blaze

When the race is ended, and the play is either won or lost, and ye are in the utmost circle and border of time, and shall put your foot within the march of eternity, all the good things of your short nightdream shall seem to you like ashes of a blaze of thorns or straw. — Samuel Rutherford

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The Next Chapter

…The day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up. Seeing then that all these things shall be dissolved, what manner of persons ought ye to be in all holy conversation and godliness…? — 2 Peter 3:10-11

The question before us is a sobering one, dear reader. The whole of this world in which you presently find enjoyment and amusement will soon dissolve. Vanish. Kaput. Considering this, what manner of person ought you to be? Think greatly upon this truth and perhaps you will be confronted with how deeply you have entrenched yourself in the world for your pleasure, comfort, and ease. I have certainly been convicted by this realization.

Thus, The Sacred Sandwich enters a new chapter. Though we have always attempted to promote God’s word as the antidote to worldliness and a friendship with it, we nonetheless have often employed the very tools of the world that we sought to reprove. Humor and wit have their place, no doubt, and we hope to appropriately utilize it in the future, but we admit we have often failed in our past endeavors. Our satire and whimsy have often been grounded in cultural references with a wink and a nudge and a pandering to our theological constituents. It delighted our choir, but hardened our opponents; and even worse, those unbelievers who visited our site found great satisfaction in our mocking of any segment of the Christian population. And it is never a pleasant thought to think that our work might be used as a convenient tool for the devil.

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